My mental health

 Mental health is so fragile and sensitive. I never thought about talking or writing about my mental health but I guess it is the right thing to do. Being pisthanthrophobic and depressive is not easy. The triggers and ugly breakdowns are hell to survive. It hurts so much to talk about everything over and over again, especially to a stranger. Yes, I get it that it's a psychologist I'll be talking too but I can't describe anything to anyone I've taught myself to stop thinking, to stop feeling, to stop reacting. It hurts to have those nightmares and panic attacks, to constantly feel unsafe, attacked and judged. 
  TIME MYSTICISM Everything is subject to time. The mystery of time defies any solution or explanation. Time is the nothingness on which our fate is written. No one has ever won a battle against time, it takes a toll on everyone and everything. It makes sure that everything born is led to death.  All the things of the world are just a matter of time and time itself is an eternal mystery.
THE THREEFOLD MISERIES OF THE MATERIALISTIC LIFE. 1. Adhyatmika Duhka:  caused by the bodily suffering such as hereditary disease and disabilities. Mental anguish caused by worries, anxieties and attachment. 2. Adhidaivik Dukha: caused by the Daiva. Daiva here means the power of time, nature (prakriti) and fate. Hunger, thirst and old age. Miseries caused by floods and fire. Miseries caused by disembodied spirits or displeased gods. 3. Adhibhautika Dukha:  caused by other living beings. Be it humans or animals. As long as we are trapped in the material world we are subjected to birth, death, diseases, psychological sufferings and old age.
Everyone of us is full of anxieties because of this material or physical existence. Our very existence is in the atmosphere of non-existence and we are actually not meant to be threatened by it (non-existence). Our existence is eternal but somehow we are put into asat (which does not exist). So if our existence is beyond the material existence then how can our sufferings be eternal?. It is not. We are not to live in the sufferings but to inquire about the nature of it; why is there sufferings?. If  we are of eternal existence then what are we?. We are souls. I am a soul thus eternal. This is a material world thus it is non-existent along with the sufferings. 
                ''LOKAH SAMASTHA SUKHINOH BHAVANTU'' That sentence holds such a deeper meaning that it sounds like, an intense message is being conveyed to the world.                       '' May the world be happy and content .''                        '' May all the worlds be free andrejoice in the contentment.'' Be it the animate or the inanimate; may all be free and happy for everything is part of the Divine Energy. This one sentence says so much about us as individuals, us as souls and us as being part of the Universe. We just need to have the eye to see, the ear to listen and the mind to understand so that we can let the light emanate from us.  
  WHISPERS OF THE WIND My voice echoed against the four walls of the room, until it became an echo of an echo and was lost. I buried m face in my hands, thankful that they at least had not deserted me. Tears filled my eyes and i cried but only to myself because there was no one to share them with, I was not merely confused but i was lost; lost in this stone hearted world. I pray for forgetfulness, yet my memory remains strong, it seems as if the wind has been there since the beginning of the nightmare, sometimes loud and harsh; a thousand sharp needles scratching my skin. sometimes a whisper... i know now the wind has been speaking to me. I don't know where to start but there must be a place of love, a place of hope.
  Never have i thought that a break up would hurt so much to the point of giving me anxiety . I would have probably never known that it was anxiety if I did not talk to someone about what I felt at that time and I am grateful to have someone to talk to.  Who would have known that mental health is so fragile that it will need just that little drop to overfill the glass and make you lose your mind?. The lack of concentration is constantly felt.  Being sleep deprived and still functioning which appears to be normally on a daily basis is not easy.  I have been fighting insomnia since weeks now and it is not an easy battle to win; I spent days staring into nothingness wanting to scream and cry out that pain and hearing his voice and those hurtful things he said made the anxiety worse. A heart break can hurt physically,who would have thought about that?. The chest pains, the sweaty hands, the increased heartbeats, the feeling of drowning and being unable to breathe; the struggle is real... d